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Karla Calinawan's avatar

Thanks so much for this article, Molly. Not sure if you're still seeing comments on a 6 month old post but just wanted to say how much it resonated with me (not the least of which the similar knee jerk GAH reaction I have to "grit"). Full disclosure I'm a coach and work with mothers who have recently returned back to work after mat leave and I have a module in my program around building resilience and stress management! And yet I absolutely agree with so much of what you shared here. And in my module around resilience we talk about the systemic nature of it (I leaned into Michael Ungar's work to inform the activities that we did). Anyway, I guess my question with regards to your last point around eliminating the external stressor, at what point does that become a source of stress, that the seeming lack of control and/or constant reminder of the lack of control of eliminating these stressors (e.g. toxic work environment, political climate, financial insecurity) compound the stress individuals face.

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Shannon's avatar

Your point about our propensity to designate categories to sort and group us into and how it leads to more stress is spot on. I've always felt this tension when society talks about how when you have a baby your "maternal instinct" will suddenly appear - just like flipping a switch. But then, if that instinct doesn't magically materialize, then according to our society's categorizations, we now are failing as mothers. What a way to stack up stress on top of an already stressful period...not to mention the preexisting general anxiety before the baby arrives of related to just the worrying of "will I be a good mother/when will my maternal instinct arrive?"

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