Where to go from here
I built a damn bookshelf
I am not quite sure what to say at this point. My brain wants to snuggle into a weighted blanket and take a long nap1.
So many emotions from Tuesday night to today.
Something is different this time around. In 2016, shock dominated my emotions the next day. This year it was grief. We knew exactly what was on the line. We know what can (and likely will) happen during a Tr🤬mp administration. I knew what I was fighting against and fighting for.
A majority of Americans chose the opposite. I am wrestling with what that means. Grieving the America that I wanted my children to grow up in.
I have already made my political statement, you know where I stand, you know what keeps me up at night:
Wednesday morning, in that moment of grief, I took stock of what I could actually do, productively — “maybe I should finally put together this damn bookshelf that has been sitting under my desk for over a year?”
And I fucking did that.
I took a hammer and a power drill, and I built that damn bookshelf. A project that had a starting point and a finish line. It’s not perfect but it's done. Complete. Out of the boxes and onto the wall.
A burst of LFG energy pulled me out of grief as I couldn’t help but consider the symbolism of building this damn bookshelf. I have worked in a converted backyard shed/office for the last three years or so. I have a desk and a stool (I know, I know, I should have a proper desk chair). There is another reading chair, a couch, and a TV so that the room can double as extra family space. It remained a bit unfinished on the “office” side of things with the boxed bookshelf as a constant reminder. But as I started to see my place in the road ahead, I realized: it’s time to get to work.
So I built the damn bookshelf.
Without a proper home, books had started piling up on the side of my desk. The books that I reference often. The books that have started to accumulate in the last few years as I started thinking deeply about these issues. Books by friends and those whose voices I admire and feel inspired by. Books that symbolize the work ahead with plenty of space for the books to come.
I built the damn bookshelf because we must must must continue moving forward.
I know what forward motion means right now. I expect an intense headwind. I expect that we may have weights clamped onto our heels. I expect the road to get muddy and messy and scary. I expect to see friends sit it out and rest for a while, and I completely understand that desire and need to take a break from it all. I will never fault anyone for needing the break from what is to come.
I choose forward motion. I choose to continue putting one foot in front of the other. No matter how slow the journey feels.
Where stress comes into all of this
Oh boy. Did I actually write that section title?
I think it's pretty clear that the incoming administration will not prioritize funding for programs that will actually support parents and caregivers, mothers and women especially. Science is not at the top of their list either so I cannot imagine a world where funding for women’s health continues on the hopeful path set this year. I could go on but I don’t want to list everything and tempt my brain to leap jump from my ears into that weighted blanket.
The stressor map feels heavier today. The health risk of being a girl, a woman, a mother, a birthing person in America will likely increase. I cannot see a near term future where this is not the case, at least on average.
On the opportunities side, I don’t expect maternal stress-reducing solutions to come from a policy level unless they are more local (and hey, my county passed a measure to support child care this election so YAY!). BUT, there are other levels that impact maternal stress load and maternal stress reduction. We can still access opportunities at a community level, family level, friend and partner level. We can work on cultural and narrative shifts, emphasize workplace initiatives, and elevate philanthropic or entrepreneurial solutions. Let’s focus there for now.
And even though the doors may have closed on critical federal policy changes during this administration, we can still work on the changes and data gathering and the evidence building that will put us in a better position when those doors do open again. Whenever that may be.
This is a long game, friends.
Other messages that I very much appreciate right now:
offering lessons on long game advocacy:offering solidarity in rage and productive progression:“I remembered our motto at Moms Demand Action: losing forward. In any advocacy work, doors get slammed in your face—literally and figuratively. And when a door closes, you just have to find a way in through a window. Because the power of losing forward comes from never giving up.”
resharing important reminder from for mental health this week and into the future.“Politics is personal. It is about our bodies. It is about our bedrooms. It is about the water we drink and the air we breathe.
And our survival over these next four years depends on thinking small.
This is a time for mutual care. For turning to our immediate communities and organizing. For reaching out to people in pain and offering support.
The next four years will be an exercise in using this rage as a pilot light. Of letting it fuel the way you show up to help.”
“We know that social media is already a giant dumpster fire, and we can all anticipate that it’s not going to get better anytime soon.
I want you to protect your peace during this overwhelming time.
The urge to doomscroll is probably going to continue between now and the inauguration (and beyond). In my book, Real Self-Care, I talk about The Pause, which means setting a boundary between you and what’s going on around you. Whether you’re dealing with a noisy co-worker, a demanding parent, or a toxic algorithm, the first step to creating your boundary is to pause before you react.
When it comes to social media, this means The Pause should come before you make the choice to open the app or pick up your phone, which, yes, is easier said than done — but it can be done with some extra reminders.
Today, I want you to put a sticky note on your desk or on your iPhone home screen that says: PAUSE BEFORE YOU SCROLL. Heck, put it on the steering wheel of your car and tape it to your water bottle.” –
And
also offering wisdom on hope in her own newsletter:“Hope is a practice — it’s a way to get through. It is not a destination, but instead a pebbled path. The human mind, wired for connection and for shared purpose, bends toward hope even when we do not feel it to be so.
Take all the time you need, and we will get through together. It’s the only way.”
Speaking of hope,
offers glimpses of it for the child care space:offering perspective and positive vibes:“Child care is still a bipartisan issue. Red wave be damned, it’s voters from both political parties that feel a sense of urgency around the need for affordable, quality child care, according to a poll from Public Opinion Strategies and the First Five Year Fund….
I believe deeply in a care economy that supports families and pays providers a living wage and gives children the sort of deep emotional connection we know they need to be ready for kindergarten. The good thing is that I’m not alone in thinking this, a majority of Americans do too.
My goal: keep child care in the conversation as much as possible for the next two years as the new party in charge tries to rack up as many legislative wins as they can. The more we tell these stories and the more we emphasize how much we as a country - and this includes our people, our kids and our economy - stand to gain from robust child care investments, the more we can start to move in that direction.”
offering community:“I have nothing to offer in this moment, but I will continue to live with purpose and intention.
It will take a lot of time to explain to my daughters what their futures may look like and how my son is not safe in this country.
I don’t know how to survive another 4 years of relentless mental exhaustion.
What I do know is hate will not win.
I cannot relate to the hate that they made up in their minds.
I choose love ❤️
I choose kindness 🙏🏽
I choose peace☮️
May you rest in knowing that you are not alone.”
“In this process, you find your people. And the people who are like-minded, who see you, who see you as fully human and would fight for you and are fighting for you and alongside you, these are your people. And it feels so good to find your people. And it feels good to let other people know that you see them and that you will fight for them, too.
And
offering companionship for the road ahead –“No matter what happens, I’m going to wake up tomorrow and the next day and the next day and keep fighting as hard as I can to make life better for parents and caregivers.
I want:
—Paid leave for all
—Universal, affordable, flexible, and reliable childcare and eldercare solutions
—Fair wages, dignity, respect and curiosity for paid caregivers
—Workplaces that accept the eternal reality that humans are a species that require care and accommodate their employees accordingly
—Public spaces that are built for everyone and not just able-bodied adults
—A culture that sees parenting and caregiving as big, important and wisdom-producing— as worthy of curiosity as hiking Mt. Everest
—The burdens of care to be distributed equally between men and women
Care is at the center of the human story. It’s time the world sees it that way.
Onward!”
How are you doing?
This is also my plea for ignoring typos and grammatical issues and any nonsensical sentences.
Love the bookcase - the metaphor, and the actual bookcase. As for the long game - at least we have good company along the way.
You had me at "I built a book shelf" - I am not worthy...nor do I even have the wood!
That said - this is what I wish to shout from the rooftops:
BUT, there are other levels that impact maternal stress load and maternal stress reduction. We can still access opportunities at a community level, family level, friend and partner level. We can work on cultural and narrative shifts, emphasize workplace initiatives, and elevate philanthropic or entrepreneurial solutions. Let’s focus there for now.