One of my best friends was in the exact same situation as Devika: she is diagnosed bipolar and decided with her care providers not to breastfeed in order to preserve her sleep and therefore her health. She said it was critical (and frankly she is healthier than ever!). We had babies around the same time and I decided to breastfeed, but gave up after a month of triple feeding, being awake every 2-3 hours, and everyone telling me this was normal and expected despite the fact I was getting extremely depressed and couldn't stop crying all the time. My friend was a tremendous coach and source of perspective during this time when the medical establishment prioritized breast is best and made me feel like if I "could" then I "should" breastfeed. We often compare our experiences and have taken the same lesson from it: we need to prioritize overall family health, and a big part of this is rethinking the menu of options for ALL women becoming mothers. Thank you for shining a light on this so eloquently!
YES! Thank you for speaking about these experiences, and helping un-shame and normalize paths other than exclusive breastfeeding in cases (like yours) where it's the best, most healthful option for everyone involved. It's such a shame that, as you point out, the medical establishment is not as facilitative of these options just yet.
Keep sharing your experience — it'll help people know there's no one right way to feed or parent. And I'm so sorry for the pressure and pain you felt in those days... and thank you for being a light!
So valuable to have a friend by your side to add perspective and shield you from the language of "normal" and "expected" when things were clearly not a healthy choice for you.
"we need to prioritize overall family health, and a big part of this is rethinking the menu of options for ALL women becoming mothers" EXACTLY!
This is such a great piece. There is so much moralising around early motherhood and it can be very damaging. Debates around infant sleep (bed sharing, having a schedule or not) are framed in terms of harm to babies (despite a lack of evidence for this), with lots of sniping at mothers for being 'selfish' from the different camps. The potential risks to mothers around sleep are ignored as you both rightly point out.
In my book 'Motherdom' (which has just been published) one chapter explores the misery that 'Good Mother' myths cause when it comes to feeding. I'm sorry you had that experience with the lactation consultant Devika. Women are too often pushed down a breastfeeding path (and then failed by a lack of support).
I love the concept of 'sleep protection' - it gives us the language to focus on mothers' needs too.
This project is some of the most important stuff happening on social media and I can’t believe it’s not blowing up! I’m saving everything to share with friends when they need to hear it in the future. I wish I’d had this information before giving birth to my baby last fall. But now I have it and can make different decisions for myself and my family going forward.
Oh my goodness, this is such a lovely comment to read! Thank you!
The project and the content here is always written with THIS intention in mind. Much more of a slow burn long-form not optimized to “blow up” social media 😁
Please do share! Would love to get this information spreading to anyone and everyone who would benefit from it ♥️
You two are so incredibly smart and I loved reading this!! I don’t have kids but my friends are starting to and I want to send it to all of them!
I want them to prioritize themselves but I am seeing so many of these dynamics where the baby’s and husbands needs are prioritized over the moms and it drives me nuts!!
Thanks so much for being here and taking part in the conversation! We definitely need to give moms permission to prioritize themselves as much as they do others in the household.
One of my best friends was in the exact same situation as Devika: she is diagnosed bipolar and decided with her care providers not to breastfeed in order to preserve her sleep and therefore her health. She said it was critical (and frankly she is healthier than ever!). We had babies around the same time and I decided to breastfeed, but gave up after a month of triple feeding, being awake every 2-3 hours, and everyone telling me this was normal and expected despite the fact I was getting extremely depressed and couldn't stop crying all the time. My friend was a tremendous coach and source of perspective during this time when the medical establishment prioritized breast is best and made me feel like if I "could" then I "should" breastfeed. We often compare our experiences and have taken the same lesson from it: we need to prioritize overall family health, and a big part of this is rethinking the menu of options for ALL women becoming mothers. Thank you for shining a light on this so eloquently!
YES! Thank you for speaking about these experiences, and helping un-shame and normalize paths other than exclusive breastfeeding in cases (like yours) where it's the best, most healthful option for everyone involved. It's such a shame that, as you point out, the medical establishment is not as facilitative of these options just yet.
Keep sharing your experience — it'll help people know there's no one right way to feed or parent. And I'm so sorry for the pressure and pain you felt in those days... and thank you for being a light!
Thank you! and thank you for sharing this!
So valuable to have a friend by your side to add perspective and shield you from the language of "normal" and "expected" when things were clearly not a healthy choice for you.
"we need to prioritize overall family health, and a big part of this is rethinking the menu of options for ALL women becoming mothers" EXACTLY!
This is such a great piece. There is so much moralising around early motherhood and it can be very damaging. Debates around infant sleep (bed sharing, having a schedule or not) are framed in terms of harm to babies (despite a lack of evidence for this), with lots of sniping at mothers for being 'selfish' from the different camps. The potential risks to mothers around sleep are ignored as you both rightly point out.
In my book 'Motherdom' (which has just been published) one chapter explores the misery that 'Good Mother' myths cause when it comes to feeding. I'm sorry you had that experience with the lactation consultant Devika. Women are too often pushed down a breastfeeding path (and then failed by a lack of support).
I love the concept of 'sleep protection' - it gives us the language to focus on mothers' needs too.
Yes, and yes, and yes! Thank you for sharing your perspectives on all of this, and congrats on the book!
Thank you so much, Alex! And YES to all the things. The sniping incurs its own damage, right?
Excited to check out your book!
This project is some of the most important stuff happening on social media and I can’t believe it’s not blowing up! I’m saving everything to share with friends when they need to hear it in the future. I wish I’d had this information before giving birth to my baby last fall. But now I have it and can make different decisions for myself and my family going forward.
Such an important project indeed! I absolutely love Molly's work.
Oh my goodness, this is such a lovely comment to read! Thank you!
The project and the content here is always written with THIS intention in mind. Much more of a slow burn long-form not optimized to “blow up” social media 😁
Please do share! Would love to get this information spreading to anyone and everyone who would benefit from it ♥️
You two are so incredibly smart and I loved reading this!! I don’t have kids but my friends are starting to and I want to send it to all of them!
I want them to prioritize themselves but I am seeing so many of these dynamics where the baby’s and husbands needs are prioritized over the moms and it drives me nuts!!
Thanks so much for being here and taking part in the conversation! We definitely need to give moms permission to prioritize themselves as much as they do others in the household.